You’re Not Lonely, You’re Just Not Where The Friends Are
A list of all the people I’ve met during two years of solo travel
“Solo travel is actually the most social way to travel.”
In backpacker circles, this is a well-known little saying, the idea being that those who travel in groups, say, of 2-3 of their close friends, are much less likely to get out of their comfort zones and make new friends along the way. They’ll remain safe within their little clique, drawing upon the doubtless plentiful reserves of inside jokes and one-liners, and viewing all new experiences from inside that comfortable little room, looking through a single narrow window to the outside world.
As a long-time solo traveler myself, I can attest to the truth of this. After a mere handful of days on the road, the truly solo traveler will be looking for friends in earnest. The good news is, he won’t have to look far. Every traveler’s hostel within any remotely civilized area will be teeming with people exactly like him: solo travelers searching for new friends.
I’ve truly never experienced an environment in which it’s easier to walk up to someone—or be walked up to yourself—and just begin a new friendship. I’ve also never experienced friendships which accelerate so fast. When you’re living the backpacker life with others, you can afford to spend every moment of every day together. The shared memories between you rack up shockingly fast, and after a mere two weeks, you’re dreading the fact that your new little family will someday inevitably have to separate—and tears can often accompany the parting moments.
But even this is only part of the story—because everywhere you travel, people live. For every one fellow traveler who you’ll come to know, there are 100 locals who would love nothing more than to invite you into their homes for dinner, give you a free crash course on their cultures and traditions over some hot beverage, and genuinely get to know you as a person.
And so to the truly lonely person, the person who feels like no one sees them and no one would care even if they did—and yet has never left their hometown, their state, or their country—to you, I say this:
You don’t have no friends—you’re just not where the friends are.
Here are mine (straight from my phone contacts).
Michael (Koh Chang)
Gajendra (Jaipur Guy)
Abubakari (Forodhani)
Edison (Goodwill)
Elias (Scorpion Restaurant)
Freddy (Hospital)
Naomi (Church)
James (New Star)
Daniel (Vodacom)
Emanuel (Second Number)
Chris (Farmboy)
Robert (Arusha Tour Guide)
Silvie Li
Armelle
Dorcas (Salma’s Neighbor)
Emanuel (Lendikinya)
Khamis (Bicycle)
Goodluck (Vipaji)
Meghan Jackson
Bimsara
James (Motorbike)
Victor (Safari)
Linus (Church)
Ferry Girl
Darshana
Mika
Tondiye
Catherine
Beatrice Kuboja
Steven (Motorbike)
Veronica (Tiles)
Damaris (Preacher Bus Lady)
Chandana (Rotti Hut Hiriketiya)
Adam (Lendikinya)
Onesmo
Neo (Wheelchair Doctor)
Noel (Arusha)
Theo
Waralee Kannika
Varian
Elias Majogoro (Guitar)
Solomon
Sabbath
Jimmy (Kima)
Esther (Salma’s Neighbor)
Jule Sri Lanka
Damian (Chicken)
Lightness
Zia
Deborah (Rivertrees)
Nanyaro (Mzungu Safari Lodge)
Bus Kid
Daniel (School)
Chathu
Dennis (Maasai Guy)
Jackson’s Mom
Mohend
Liam Carville
North Valley Hospital
Mukesh (Ayurvedic Healer)
Dineshka (Abinu’s Place)
Indika
Asi (Mond)
Boaz Maili
Cabinet Person (TZ)
Blue Suit Guy
Salma (2nd Number)
Michael (Teacher)
Afline
Valence Lyimo
Qaim
Lucky (Tuk Tuk)
Bjarne
John Migire
Elizabeth (TZ)
Viraj (Abinu Maid)
Srinath Hewage Srilanka
Geeth
Tubulu (Rivertrees Security)
Goodluck (Arusha)
Boaz (Bismarck Tour)
Hans Mato
Eliah (Motorbike Poland)
Omar (Rasta)
Chandrika
Edgar (Usa)
Moses (Abinu’s Place)
Steven (Laundry Motorbike)
William (Serengeti Hotel)
Father John Kwa
Samwell (TZ Videographer)
Lameck (Church)
Harsh Kumar (Kalpa Adventure Guy)
Eve
Léa Cartier
Glory (Fahrodhani)
Zachaeus (Church)
Mwai The Son
Edson
Fundi
Sarah (Greens Nungwi)
Kishor (Nuwar Eliya Tuk Tuk)
Saroj Ramya Kumara (Motorbike Hiriketiya)
Asha (Ngorongoro Hotel)
Doreen Parents (School)
Solomon Godfrey
Laki🤙
Hyde
Besty
Amigo
Seuri Karisian (Lendikinya) (Second Number)
Raymond Julius
Jonny (Rivertrees Motorbike)
Tiny Boss
Hanumanth Negi
Dao
David Hekima
Sashi (Rotti Hut Hiriketiya)
Mark (Tanzania)
Nanah
Raju (Rock View Host, Ella)
Fredrick (Hospital)
Waieem (Jaipur Driver)
Eric (Usa Restaurant)
Paul Hummel
Iain
Lashley’s Mom
Alan (Arusha Market)
Elias (Scorpion Restaurant) (Second Number)
Gustavo (Rivertrees)
Hilda🦦🫶🏽
Mathatitu
Collins
Salma Mohamedi
Neema (Maasai Celebration)
Godleader Ayubu
Paul Devereux
Toby (Videographer)
Fiona Hiri
Jackson’s Dad
Victor (Motorbike)
Sharo’s Music
Namet PLNP Tour Guide
Lilian
Hasitha
Touy (phiamous)
Joshua Kuboja
Samson (Church)
Ally Jailo
Daniel (Church)
Hello
Samwel’s Father
So you see, I wasn’t lying.
The journal entry that inspired this post:
I woke up this morning eaten up by more bed begs, then ate breakfast at the place near Leaf Guest House where I ordered dinner last night. I played guitar and sang for them and talked to them. One of the owners had an amputated arm from a train accident where his backpack got snagged on a lamppost while he was riding in the train. Terrifying.
Then I took the bus to Nuwara Eliya and checked in to this hostel. The people in Sri Lanka are so unbelievably friendly. I cannot even count the WhatsApp numbers I’ve saved and the amount of genuine, well-meaning people who went out of their ways to help me find the right bus stop, guesthouse, etc. It’s unbelievable.
3/1/23